She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We were destined to go to rehab together
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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