I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
