I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
