hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
