Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
vagina is talking i cant
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
