So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
