im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
