I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
