I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
id be glad to
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
