i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
