I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
