sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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