I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
