perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
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We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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