I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
