CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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