2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
