you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
