Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
