weddingsv make me drug and hornr
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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