So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
