so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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