i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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