i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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