I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize