why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
