Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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