hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
