where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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