READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
