I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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