when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
