My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
