my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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