My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
