You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..