you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!