I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.