WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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