The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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