tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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