I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
