no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
