Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
