I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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