We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I will pee on everything he values.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
