i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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