Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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