True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize