6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
