Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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