Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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