if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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