When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
