Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
