I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
