I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
