walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
