Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
