I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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