I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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