My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
