I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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