i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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