trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
