i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
