Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
