just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
