i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just gift wrapped bread.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
