she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
