If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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